It has been a great year so far. I came out of a Christmas break retreat in Florida with a new enthusiasm, a new commitment to personal and professional growth, and an attitude of gratitude.
I had a bit of an epiphany on the beach in Ft. Myers. I saw - really saw - for the first time how I'd been living my life in reverse.
Being 43 and completely broke - and I mean that with complete seriousness... BROKE!!! - has a way of putting things into perspective.
I've had it in my mind for my entire life that I was supposed to grow up, get a job, give up my personal dreams, sacrifice my deepest desires, pile money into a 401(k)...and then MAYBE I could think about living the life of my dreams...and then MAYBE I could be happy.
THAT'S COMPLETELY BACKWARDS!
A life worth living STARTS with being happy. CHOOSE HAPPINESS. In spite of life's apparent difficulties, I can ALWAYS choose to be happy. I can find gratitude in the midst of any hardships. And from that place I can also choose to live the life of my dreams. That doesn't necessarily mean that I suddenly conjure up a Maserati and live in a $3 million dollar house. It means that from a place of gratitude, my ideas about what the life of my dreams looks like shifts substantially. It's not about the stuff. It's about the people and the relationships I wish to foster.
So I took a job at a nearby Starbucks for a few hours a week. Making fancy $6 coffee drinks for people who - judging by the relative condition of their cars - ought not be spending that kind of cash on highly caffeinated and sugar-laden treats has provided me a unique insight into the human condition. Some days I love people. Other days I am disgusted by humans.
I've been spending considerable time business networking. I joined Rainmakers, a terrific local group dedicated to providing a platform for building business relationships. I've made some great new friends and gained some great insight into how having a positive, service-oriented attitude contributes to my personal and professional success.
And I've made some really neat new friends and acquaintances. Musicians and writers and roller derby girls and hot rodders and rock-a-billy queens and photographers ... people who are living life at 100%, full-out, completely authentic. They inspire me to love. To be all I can be. To open my heart and my mind to all that I'm capable of being and doing.
Then SMACK! I got my ass kicked by some random illness. I don't know what got me, but I feel like I've been hit by a truck. I spent 5 days sweating with a 101* fever. I gave up 6 vials of blood to an infections disease specialist. I slept for nearly 10 days, squeezing in an occasional bit of work when I could muster the strength.
And though I'm finally feeling like I might be back among the living, I still don't know what I have...or had. I only know that whatever it is/was really took it out of me. It's as though I forgot how to do the basics. How to find gratitude. How to bathe regularly. When to eat and when to sleep. What it means to work.
I'm scared. Like I've never been scared. I can deal with being broke. Hard work cures that. But I'm not sure I'm ready to have some nasty terminal illness. Hard work won't cure that.
